10 simple rules for playing big brother

It was a relatively calm day in the BB house. Britney's not ready to roll over and die, but she's having a hard time figuring out exactly how to keep herself alive in the game. She did talk to Dan a bit, trying the approach of "if you really can't trust Danielle, and she's 'dead to you in the game' why would you keep her?" Since the whole Danielle thing is a smokescreen that's not going to get her very far, but at least she tried. Joe told her he'd really prefer to keep her, but he doesn't want to go out on a limb, so it all depends on what Shane does.

Meanwhile Shane told her that he's torn, but also that he didn't want to vote for her if she had no shot, so it was up to Joe. Since the mutual finger pointing wasn't going to work, Shane then came up with the idea of saying that if they didn't do what Frank wanted, he'd hold it against them. Ian and Britney scoffed at that. Even if Frank did harbor ill will, he had a lot more towards others.

So then the Comic Relief Alliance went up to HOH to talk with Frank the Carrot. Frank explained to them why it's best for everyone to get rid of Brit and then Ian. They said they'd be on board, but they wanted to make a F3 alliance. Frank went along, though he's not sincere. But this was part of the plan he has with Dan. Shane and Joe are hating on Dan, so Frank teams up with them. That way if one of them wins HOH they'll nominate Dan vs. Ian, but Dani/Frank/Jenn can save Dan.

Frank proves his loyalty to Dan/Danielle, by coming to Danielle and telling her all about the fake alliance with Shane/Joe. Later Danielle asks Shane what went down and he totally lies to her. She even asks him flat out if they made a "guys alliance" and he says no, they just agreed to keep Danielle and go after Ian next. Danielle's going to keep quiet for now to make sure she stays this week, but she knows now that she can't completely trust Shane. She's also mad Britney's campaigning against her, and she feels like Ian's being insensitive. She doesn't really mind that he's going to give Britney the vote, but she feels like he ought to be more apologetic about it.

Britney eventually comes out and she and Danielle get into a bit of a tiff. Danielle is complaining that Britney's being mean to her, acting mad at her. Britney's position is basically "Please. Get over yourself. I'm probably leaving and we're supposed to feel sorry for you?" It's a pretty valid position for Britney to take, but she ought to know by now that it's Danielle's World, everyone else is just livin' in it.

As it turns out, the DR tells Joe/Shane not to tell Britney she's leaving (they wouldn't let them tell Janelle back in week 4, either). But Shane/Joe had already talked to Ian and let him know they were "leaning" toward evicting Brit, and after the DR told them they couldn't spill the beans they talked about what they could tell her without actually telling her. They came up with things like "it doesn't look good" and my personal favorite, "wear your cute dress, even if they tell us HOH is endurance." In the end Ian ended up telling her. She took it pretty well, and went to let Danielle know. Then Funny Britney came out. She had some great zingers, mostly aimed at Frank. And she kept them all game related... definitely the Funny Britney we want to see.

Ian and Brit have both said that they understand, and even respect, Dan's big move. Ian's talking about keeping the Duckie Alliance together whether Brit or Danielle leaves. Dan's nodding along lightly, I think definitely hedging his bets. Ian's plan if he wins HOH is to nom Frank and Jenn. It would not shock me if Dan/Danielle throw the comp knowing that, and either hope Frank wins POV and that they can get Ian to repl-nom Joe, or if Frank doesn't make it off the block, take the shot to get him out. Though I think if he can, Dan will try to take the HOH and get Ian out.

So I ended up with more material than I was expecting today, but I'll still do my 10 rules. I started thinking about this today watching the Comic Relief Alliance attempt to strategize. A big part of Shane's problem is that he's never watched BB. He's seen a few episodes here and there, and watched the first couple weeks of last season (on DVD while in pre-show sequester) but he has no idea how the end game works, or what it takes to actually win. But he's so bad, that at the end of the day he's really damn entertaining. And that's what we want in BB players. They either need to be great at the game, great fun to watch, or preferably both. So here's my stab at what it takes to be a perfect BB HG:

1. Play your own game. Don't try to be the "next" anybody. Learn from those who went before you, and use the best of what you see in the good ones, but always add your own spin.
2. Don't get personal. Don't attack anyone's character, religion, family, etc. And don't be overly crude. We know it's not a PG show on the feeds, but let's try to keep it at least R-rated.
3. Know something about the show you're on. Not all HGs need to be superfans, but at least watch a couple seasons all the way through.
4. Never believe anything anyone promises you at the end of an endurance comp.
5. It's okay to lie at times, but try not to do it too much. Noncommittal answers and allowing assumptions work just as well. And when you are lying, let us know out here. It's fine to screw with the HGs, but we need to know what's really going on. It helps us feel superior.
6. On a related note, after a comp, let us know what's going on. Talk about who won, what happened, etc. POV winners should wear the necklace for at least an hour after the comp.
7. Follow the rules. You signed up for this. If you're on slop, eat it and no cheating. If you're in a costume, wear it.
8. Stop singing. And stop any other things that get the feeds blocked.
9. Respect your microphone. No stealth whispering, click-talking, loud chewing, laying on your mic, peeing with your mic on, etc.
10. Be entertaining. We're here for a show and no one wants to watch you sleep 22 hours a day.

(I've actually got more, but that's 10 so I'll stop there.)

 

Lines of the Day

 

BB: Britney, please go the Diary Room.
Britney: I don't want to anymore, I'm freaking over it. How many more DRs could I possibly do?

Britney: I lost this game because Dan Gheesling, one of the best players to ever play this game, screwed me. That's an admirable reason.

Britney: What's up?
Joe: I had a little tubby. Nothing wrong with a little man-tub.

Britney: I will sooner make a $500K donation to Mad Love Cooking than give the money to Frank. If I have to put his key in the box, I will break it in half.

Britney: He won't even admit that he got misted. It's like he wants us to think it was part of his master plan to sit out 2 HOHs.

Britney: Frank you are a genius, took a chum bath for 21 hours, dyed yourself green, are in a frickin' carrot suit, and benched yourself for 2 HOHs just to make sure veto wasn't used, and then it was anyway. Yes, you are the best player to ever play this game, I should have been following you all along.

Danielle: Do you want to beat up Ted?
Britney: I kind of want to set Ted on fire. What if Frank came in the yard and I was holding Ted by one ear and he was engulfed in flames? That would be awesome.

Frank to Jenn: Just know I've got your back no matter what. You're the only person left in this house who's never lied to me. 

Danielle: I'm an idiot.
(me: no comment)

Danielle: This is going to sound stupid, but what really annoys me is we don't know what we're wearing (on Thursday).
Britney: I know what I'm wearing! 

Danielle to Britney: If I go, I'm frickin' going to jury with Ashley!

Shane: I gotta revenge Britney.

Frank: To get Ian to throw it, you can tell him you'll nominate me and Dan.
Shane: And then after POV put up Ian?
Frank: No, before.
Shane: But...
Frank: Just lie to him.
Shane: Oh, oh, okay.

Ian: If you're worried about me watching you shower, I hate to break it to you but there are a lot creepier people watching the feeds